


Thinking Out Loud

by uncreativerabbit



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 21:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5021071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncreativerabbit/pseuds/uncreativerabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Nagisa receives and appears to consider a confession from a girl in his class, Rei bites back and unintentionally exposes his feelings to Nagisa. He plans to run away and never talk to him again, but Nagisa and the Iwatobi team have other ideas.</p>
<p>(It's literally just awful, guilty angst. Please don't expect any substance)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Out Loud

“Hey.”

 

“Rei-chan.”

 

“Rei-chan.”

 

“Rei.”

 

A shove jolted Rei out of his forced stupor. It was of course, his best friend and object of infatuation, Hazuki Nagisa. Nagisa. The persistent blonde of the swim team that saw him and pulled him into his life and now would most likely throw him back out again if his disgusting secret ever arose to the surface. He could be so dumb, childlike and innocent but at the same time he was suave, flirtatious and domineering.

 

They were both on the train home from school. Nagisa with boundless energy at the excitement of no homework, and Rei, feigning sleep to avoid talking to Nagisa. He groaned and glanced up, his head still rested in his hand and his glasses askew. He didn’t speak, his unintelligible noise was his form of emotionless recognition. Nagisa was now standing over him.

 

“It’s unlike Rei-chan to sleep on the train. Are you unwell?” Nagisa brushed Rei’s hair out of the way and pressed his hand against his forehead, which, naturally, sent Rei berserk. He flinched and slapped his hand off while flushing scarlet at the smaller one’s touch.

 

“I’m not sick. Please don’t.”

 

Nagisa shot him a pitying look and sat back down again, nattering on about the day for him and the rest of his classes while Rei zoned out once more, just nodding once or twice to keep Nagisa satiated while he tried his hardest to work out the mess that had become the both of them over the past few days.

 

It had all started when someone in Nagisa’s World History class confessed to him. She was a pretty brunette girl with curly hair, long eyelashes and a great, slender figure. She was part of the gymnastics team so they both had sporty interests, she loved romance manga and eating at the local tea and cake shop a few metres away from Iwatobi High. That’s how she had noticed him, always walking past and gazing in through the window, usually dragged off by Rei, sometimes dragged in by Rei who had worked an extra shift to be able to treat his best friend.

 

“I suppose we’re compatible, aren’t we?” Nagisa had commented at the end of the story and that seemed to stir Rei’s emotions into overdrive.

 

Compatibility. Rei loved healthy things, Nagisa loved to snack on sweets and cake. Rei took pride in becoming top of the class, Nagisa looked at what grade he needed to pass. Rei loved logic, documentaries, science, Nagisa loved fantastical fiction, horror and the supernatural, along with romantic things. Rei wasn’t any good at those things, he didn’t have a clue where to start in regards to love.

 

The fact that Nagisa was considering this girl was what made Rei realise that he had feelings for him all this time. Every little thing that he feigned ignorance or annoyance for, he adored. He thought Nagisa was beautiful, and that was why he worked those extra shifts and that was why he helped him with his work and that was why he supported him and wanted him to succeed and that was why! He loved him with all his heart and he wanted the best for him, but at the same time, he greedily wanted him for himself. He didn’t want this girl, Shiori-san, to be anywhere near Nagisa.

 

In the background, Nagisa was still rambling on. Rei’s thoughts had spiralled into ‘what would happen if Nagisa left?’ or ‘what would happen if Nagisa found out’ and all of the wild conclusions that his brain dreamed up, completely illogical of course, but things that would nevertheless totally happen, according to Rei.

 

“So, should I take Shiori-chan on a date?” Nagisa mused to Rei, directly looking at him now with his hands clasped in his lap. Rei still wasn’t looking at him, still in the dangerous zone between own daydream and reality.

 

“No, because I love you.”

 

The words hung between them, thick and heavy in the air. People were looking at them now as Rei scrambled to get up as soon as the intercom announced the next station – not his station. Nagisa grabbed his hand, mumbling something hurriedly about it ‘not being his stop’ and ‘we need to talk about this,’ but Rei shook him off and bolted, ignoring the millions of pairs of eyes that bore into the back of his skull. Honing his time in the track club, he ran the few miles home.

 

It was now around 8 in the evening. Rei had got home, had a quick shower as not to think about things anymore and then hurried to finish the little bit of homework he had got that day as a distraction. Then, after his daily tasks were done, he decided to have his moment of self-indulgence. He had already changed into some silly, novelty pajamas that wholly reminded him of Nagisa, and then remembered that he had bought them with Nagisa in the shopping district in the September, as nippy nights were beginning to intrude.

 

He threw himself down on the bed, crashed his face into a pillow, and ungracefully sobbed at their lost friendship while his phone started buzzing in the background.

 

Half an hour later and the buzzing was constant. One buzz was cut off by another one starting. Text messages, emails, phone calls from the whole of the swim club, most likely. Rei glanced up, eyes puffy, and pressed the button on his phone. The light made him duck away briefly, then he grabbed his phone and looked at the screen, the vast number of contact that he missed.

 

Hazuki Nagisa: 27 missed calls, 18 text messages.

 

Matsuoka Gou: 19 missed calls, 56 text messages.

 

Tachibana Makoto: 8 missed calls, 10 text messages.

 

Nanase Haruka: 3 missed calls, 4 text messages.

 

Matsuoka Rin: 1 missed call, 1 text message.

 

As he went to put the phone down, it rang again, Rin getting through this time, and Rei accidentally answered it. He fumbled with the phone, swearing out loud as he tried to put it down.

 

“Shit!”

 

“Don’t you dare put this phone down.” Rin snarled through the phone, although it wasn’t as menacing as Rei expected it to be. It even had a slightly begging hint.

 

“W-what.” Rei’s voice was husky, filled with emotions and slightly tearful.

 

“We know what happened.”

 

“Well duh, but how?”

 

“Rei-chan!” It was Nagisa’s tearful voice, crackly over the phone that stopped Rei dead. He started shaking and curled up in a ball, but kept the phone call rolling as Rin continued to speak.

 

“Nagisa phoned me up, said your name, choked up and put the phone down so we all skyped each other. We were about to add you but we thought that wasn’t a good idea. Please though, we can add you in or you can phone Nagisa on your own and sort this. He lo-“

 

Rei hung up. The buzzing started again but faltered after five minutes.

 

He considered calling in sick, but his attendance couldn’t slip due to one stupid, illogical bout of feelings. Ryuuzaki Rei must press through this dilemma and keep his education at one hundred percent, top form, top quality learning. He had prestigious universities to think of going to, after all, and a well-paid job in Tokyo to achieve.

 

Again, he stopped. That plan involved Nagisa and moving in together. That was the Titanic of bad ideas. Perhaps this had at least spewed up one thing in favour, how filthily jealous he would have been had he moved in with Nagisa and he had bought partners over. Besides, Nagisa may now want to move in with Shiori-san.

 

As he walked up the stairs to class, in a small jutted-out piece of the corridor near the window, stood Nagisa and Shiori. Rei quickened his pace, but caught one sentence from Nagisa.

 

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

 

Oh, Rei felt even lower now. Not only had he brutally blasted their friendship and ignored Nagisa completely, he had now made him feel as if he couldn’t take Shiori’s feelings to heart, as if his were more important – which they weren’t. He took his seat in World History and watched Nagisa and Shiori follow in after some other students, chatting to each other. Shiori put a sympathetic hand on Nagisa’s shoulder and Rei hid his face.

 

He hunched over his notebook and got to work, although he could feel sad eyes burning into his back.

 

At lunch, Gou approached him, sitting alone outside in the cold, with a fierce and determined look. She didn’t sit down, rather loomed over him with her hands on her hips and a glare.

 

“You better be at swim practice. I don’t care what’s happened between you and Nagisa.” She instructed and then walked back over to the group, sitting under the tree outside, wrapped up in coats and sharing some sort of tea. Nagisa managed a sad smile and the others shot looks that ranged from sympathy to annoyance, but all wanting him to come over. Rei declined, he needed to brace himself for that final swim practice of the season.

 

It was fine. Fine being the word to describe the practice. What needed to be practiced was practiced, everyone got their final swim, Haru was nigh-on-impossible to drag out of the pool, Gou ordered the team around, Makoto gently chided Haru and played with Nagisa, and Nagisa loudly cheered everyone as they swam around. They all, minus Rei, clustered around the pool at the end to celebrate the end of the swimming team for the term and to congratulate each other on what the swim team had done and how they had performed this year. They prepared to drain the pool for the evening, cover it and then shower.

 

Nobody spoke to Rei. He decided to tiptoe off into the showers and get a head start on escaping, texting everyone an apology for not helping out.

 

As he walked in, he could already hear someone in the shower but thought nothing of it, since the showers were shared by the majority of the sports teams. He sat down on a bench to rest for a second before the doors slammed and silhouettes outside seemed to be up to something mischievous.

 

“Come on, quickly!” spoke Makoto.

 

“Three, two, one, push!” said Gou.

 

“That should do it.” Finished Haru.

 

Rei saw the unrecognisable shape of swimming aids, pool noodles, being pushed through the door handles and bent around to keep the door shut. He despaired but didn’t even bother to get up. His phone buzzed again, this time from Gou, but instead of reading hers, he decided to twist the knife into his heart even further and just read some of the texts from Nagisa to pass the time while he was locked in.

 

_‘Rei-chan, can we talk? Please? Either phone me or arrange a time to meet me in person, anything. I just want to talk to you and make everything ok!’_

_‘Rei-chan, please answer my calls.’_

_‘Rei-chan…’_

_‘Honestly, I just want to talk this out with you. I’m not mad about anything!’_

_‘Well maybe I’m a little upset that you ran from me, but I can see why you did!’_

_‘Please, Rei-chan…’_

_‘I’m not going to accept Shiori-chan’s confession. I never was.’_

_‘Because there’s someone else I like.’_

_‘That’s completely and utterly obvious. I thought you’d have figured out in the end!’_

_‘Rei.’_

_‘Please pick up the phone. This is killing me.’_

_‘I’m sorry about the others, if that’s the reason you won’t pick up the phone, I’ll let them know and they’ll stop.’_

_‘Can I come over?’_

_‘Or you can come to me?’_

_‘I love you.’_

_‘I love you so much.’_

_‘I always have.’_

_‘More than anything and anyone.’_

_‘Rei, I heard you crying when Rin-chan called you. Please, please, just let me know you’re ok.’_

_‘Tell me if we can still be friends, I’m begging you.’_

_‘I was looking forward to taking over the swim club with you. Going to Tokyo together. Moving in together, getting jobs and going to universities, and eventually cohabiting with our partners. I was even more excited about the thought of us getting together and getting married eventually. But if that didn’t happen, I still wanted to be by your side as your best friend and the most kick arse Godparent that there would ever be.’_

_‘I can still come over.’_

_‘I love you, Rei. I love you so much. Please feel better in the morning and never hesitate to talk to me, ever. Sleep well, sleep tight, and sweet dreams. I’ll dream of you tonight.’_

_‘I’m sorry, I thought that would be my last text. It obviously isn’t. I love you.’_

_‘I love you. x’_

A drop of water splashed onto the phone screen and if not for the shadow above him, he would have thought that it were his own tears. He looked up to see Nagisa, still damp in his blue towel covered in penguins, messy, tousled hair, a flushed, pink face and watery magenta eyes that looked at the phone screen that Rei had just been reading. Their eyes met as they both looked up and gave recognition to each other.

 

Oh hell, what was logic?

 

Rei stood up and within seconds enveloped Nagisa in a tight, emotional hug, sending them both crashing back towards the lockers. Nagisa’s eyes flew open, wide, bright for a few seconds but fluttered and then screwed shut, clinging onto Rei for dear life, as if pushing the two of them together more than was humanly possible.

 

It was silent apart from the occasional sniff, sob or sigh. The others were still outside, probably watching through a window but they daren’t interrupt the two of them in their embrace. The fact that Nagisa was only in a towel and Rei in his swim trunks were forgotten as hands wandered over bare torsos, feeling the other person they were sharing their lives with.

 

Nagisa’s hand rested on Rei’s thudding heart as he pressed an ear against his chest, smiling. Rei’s arms were firmly under Nagisa’s, as if to hold him up. His chin was nestled into the other’s hair and they fit together perfectly, as if they were made for each other. They stayed like this until Nagisa’s skin became painfully dry and Rei’s leg started to cramp up. They reluctantly pulled away from each other, Rei shifting and Nagisa rubbing his back from the blow of the locker.

 

“I apologise, Nagisa.” Rei spoke, brushing his hand down the side of Nagisa’s cheek. For once in his life, Nagisa was speechless and gawped at Rei, his eyes open and his lips just slightly parted, plump with a tiny breath escaping from time to time.

 

For the second time in about ten minutes, logic sailed out of the window that the Iwatobi club was spying through, and Rei reached forward and kissed him. Their lips gently passed over each other’s and lingered there for a few seconds. Nagisa pushed, and Rei opened his mouth to join him. They weren’t violent, they were just gently exploring each other’s mouths together. Nagisa’s arms wrapped around Rei’s neck to bring him down, and soon, Rei hoisted him up, using the lockers as leverage. Nagisa wrapped his legs around Rei’s waist and they stayed there for a while, just enjoying each other’s company.

 

At some point, they would both have to shower again and get changed. At some point, they would both have to leave the school and walk home hand in hand, stopping at whoever’s house is the closest, ordering takeout and watching crappy films. At some point, they will have to discuss what title to give what they had and what it would mean to them, and how they would go on living their lives together, perhaps as one. And at some point, they would have to bear the playful chiding by their teammates and in a few years, tell them to prepare their wedding speeches.

 

But if this was what love was, Rei was willing to sacrifice a portion of rationality for Nagisa. Rei was willing to work to be more compatible, but also allow the differences help bring each other up to be better people. Rei was willing to dedicate the majority of his life to Nagisa.

 

Because nothing could beat the feeling in his chest right now, or the warmth stood next to him. He’d never known what it was like to have a grin that would never drop off his face no matter how hard he tried, and nothing, not all the discoveries in the world or the idea of perfect order could make him ever want to desire anything less than every single part Nagisa, the good, and the bad.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: tsu-nni.tumblr.com
> 
> haha i didn't realise until after writing this that nagisa's ballsack would be up against rei's waist in the kiss scene o:  
> (shhh they didn't notice)
> 
> if you have any requests, please message me on tumblr because i love writing things but don't always have ideas.  
> (also follow me on tumblr for more fanfic things / fandom things thank you)
> 
> i hope you guys liked it ;u;


End file.
